What is the difference between a secret that is Unsafe and a secret that is Safe, like a surprise? Let’s say it’s your mom’s birthday and you want to plan a surprise party for her. You don’t want her to know so you keep all the details of the party a secret. What do you think? Is this a safe secret or an unsafe secret? (Elicit answers about why this secret is safe) That’s right. It’s a safe secret since eventually, when it’s time for the party, your mother will find out about the secret, there is an ending to the secret and everyone will be happy.
Anytime anyone asks us to keep a secret that makes us feel upset or confused, we must Tell a trusted adult. Anytime anyone asks us to keep a secret about our private parts we must Tell a trusted adult. Even if the person gives you something, a gift or a treat, or the person says, “Don’t tell”,
that’s a clue that you MUST TELL. That’s right, any time an adult or child tells you to keep a secret from your trusted adults it is not safe and you need to go Tell someone on your Safety Star. Even if the person who tells you the secret is your best friend, or a family member and says you will get in trouble, you must Tell. Even if you don’t tell right away and a few weeks or months go by, you should go and Tell a Star Adult on your Safety Star Chart. Remember, the Star Adults on your Star Safety Chart are there to keep you happy and feeling safe. They can only do that when you share your feelings with them
1. You are with your friend and his older brother at the arcade. His older brother tells you and your friend that you can walk around and play without him. However, he says you cannot tell your parents.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
Tell the students that this is an Unsafe Secret because you should not be in a public place
alone without a grown-up in charge and you should not keep Unsafe Secrets from your parents.
2. You and your best friend have a special, secret funny handshake that only the two of you know about.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
Tell the students that this is a Safe Secret because no one will get hurt and it does not deal with safety.
3. Your mother is giving your little brother a surprise party with balloons and cake and lots
of fun games, but she tells you not to tell anyone about it.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
Tell the students that this is a Safe Secret because it will eventually be told and make everyone smile.
4. Your father bought your mother earrings for Pesach and tells you not to tell anyone.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
Tell the students that this is a Safe Secret because it will eventually be told and your mother will be very happy.
5. Your aunt tells you something about herself that is very private and it makes you feel very confused and sad. She tells you that you are her favorite niece and that you should not tell your parents what she said or she won’t be able to visit anymore.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
Tell the students that this is an Unsafe Secret because grown-ups should not be talking to children about private things and you feel very sad and confused. You should never keep Unsafe Secrets from your parents so you have to tell.
6. After your learning program, your teacher pulls you aside and gives you a present because he is so proud of how you did, but he said not to tell anyone, not even your parents.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
Tell the students that this is an Unsafe Secret because it feels uncomfortable and they should not be asked to keep secrets from their parents.
Any time an adult tells a child not to tell their parent or a Star Adult on his/her Safety Star Chart, that is a clue –
that means you must Tell!!!
This lesson can be used in different ways inside the classroom. Often times teachers create projects as a surprise for a parent. Bringing in the question is it a Safe or Unsafe Secret is a great way to engage the kids in what that means. Predators thrive on secrecy and the fact that most kids do not tell. Most children hold onto the secret of being abused for many years sometimes never telling or only telling in their adulthood. While hearing a disclosure and figuring out the right steps to take can be extremely difficult, having the child hold onto such a toxic secret can be life-threatening for that child.
