The rules are:
NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SEE OUR PRIVATE PARTS
NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH OUR PRIVATE PARTS
NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TALK TO US ABOUT OUR PRIVATE PARTS
WE ARE ALSO NOT ALLOWED TO SEE, TOUCH OR TALK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE’S PRIVATE PARTS
PRIVATE PARTS ARE NEVER A GAME
PRIVATE PARTS ARE NEVER A SECRET
A CHILD CAN SAY NO TO ANYONE, EVEN ANOTHER ADULT, FAMILY MEMBER, OR CHILD.
The most important component to stress is that even if a child does not say STOP or NO, he/she should Tell a Trusted Adult and there is no time limit on the Tell.
Today we are going to discuss a very important rule that has to do with our bodies. Hashem created us in a special way. We all have different talents, different colored hair, and eyes, etc. and also different feelings. Well, Hashem also made our bodies in a very special way. We have eyes with which we can see, ears with which we can hear, hands to hold things, and feet to run and play. We also have areas of our body that are so special it is only for us. These are the parts of our bodies covered by a bathing suit or underwear. They are called our Private Parts and are only for us (show bathing suits teaching card).
Just like these rules have to be followed with regards to our own bodies, the same goes for us not being allowed to touch, look at, or talk about someone else’s private parts.
This is important to explain as a predator may not touch the child, but will rather have the child touch them.
This rule is for everybody, even a cousin, uncle, grandmother, brother, sister or friend. No one is allowed to touch, look at or talk about your private parts because your body belongs to you. (Have students hold their thumbs in air while pointing to their chest and say in a loud voice together “my body belongs to me”)
Now, there are times when an adult is allowed to look at or touch the private areas of your body. Do you know when that would be? (Elicit answers)
A doctor’s visit (show teaching card of doctor’s visit). A doctor may have to check your body to make sure that you are healthy but, it’s allowed because mommy or somebody else who takes care of you, is in the room and it’s never a secret. Secrets about private parts are never ok.
Another example could be if you are hurt or have pain in an area that’s private. Your mommy or caregiver will have to check to help you but, it’s not a secret. Secrets about private parts are never ok.
These are examples of what we call Safe Touches (show pic of safe touches). A Safe Touch will make you feel happy, comfortable, and safe. An Unsafe touch is one that can make you feel confused, unhappy or maybe sad.
What is an example of another safe touch? (Allow students to come up with answers)
Let’s look at this next picture. (Show teaching card of boy being tickled by his uncle) This is a story about Yaakov. Yaakov loves when his uncle Chaim comes to visit. He’s really funny and is always making jokes. Sometimes he tickles Yaakov and Yaakov laughs and laughs. One day Yaakov’s uncle comes over and starts’ tickling him and Yaakov starts to laugh but then the tickling starts to feel different. His uncle is tickling Yaakov too hard and for too long. Yaakov is having hard time breathing. He is also unsure if his uncle is tickling in areas that are private. Yaakov wants to tell his uncle to stop but he can’t even get any words out. After his uncle stops, Yaakov sits up and turns his face away. Yaakov’s uncle says, “Hey buddy, that was such fun! Want to go play a game of chutes and ladders?” Yaakov turns to face his uncle and sees his happy smile. Yaakov is feeling a little sad by what happened, but not as scared anymore. He loves his uncle and thinks maybe his uncle didn’t really mean to tickle him like that. Yaakov smiles and goes with his uncle to get the board game out. Yaakov has such fun as he lands on the best spots and wins the game! His uncle is so much fun to
hang around with.
A week later, Yaakov’s uncle comes back to visit. As he walks through the door, Yaakov starts to feel a funny feeling in his stomach. It’s the feeling he got when he started his first day at school and didn’t know anyone, when his stomach hurt him and he wanted to throw up. Yaakov is not sure what this means, but he tells his mother that he isn’t feeling well and goes up to his room. Yaakov’s uncle looks concerned as Yaakov walks by and says, “Hey buddy, refuah shelama. Hope you feel better quick” and gives Yaakov a pat on his back. Yaakov is feeling very confused. He really loves his uncle and is not sure why he is suddenly feeling yucky to be around him.
Yaakov feels like he wants to TELL his mother what he is feeling but he doesn’t want to hurt his uncle’s feelings or get him into trouble. Later that night, Yaakov is having a hard time falling asleep. His mother comes into his room to check up on him. “Tzadik, how are you feeling? Are you still feeling yucky? Did you maybe eat something that was not good for you?” Yaakov shakes his head no. His mother comes to sit on the side of his bed and puts her hand to his forehead. “You feel fine. I hope you aren’t coming down with something.” Yaakov is not sure what to do. He looks at his mother’s loving eyes and really wants to talk to her. He feels so bad that he just can’t get it out. Looking sadly at his mother, he lets her kiss him good night and watches her walk towards the door. As his mother is about to leave, she turns around to give him one last look, and Yaakov decides he needs to say something. He remembers his mommy telling him that no matter what he is feeling, whether it’s a happy feeling, a feeling of excitement, being scared, nervous or uncomfortable, he should TELL her since she is there to listen and make him feel better. “Mommy, can I tell you something?” “Of course Tzadik. Does it have to do with why you are feeling this way?” “Yes. Mommy, the other day when Uncle Chaim came to visit we were playing a tickling game. I usually love when Uncle Chaim plays with me, but this time when he tickled me it started to hurt. I tried to tell Uncle Chaim to stop but I wasn’t able to get any words out. Afterwards, Uncle Chaim wanted to play a game of chutes and ladders and I forgot about what happened. But today when Uncle Chaim came in, I got this yucky feeling in my stomach like I wanted to throw up. Mommy, I love Uncle Chaim and don’t want to get him into trouble. Please don’t be upset at him. Are you upset with me mommy?” (finish the story with mom being very proud of him for sharing his feelings and Telling and mom talking to uncle Chaim to make sure that does not happen again).
1. Your grandmother always pinches your cheeks too hard and says, “hello darling, I just love to squeeze you.” It really hurts you.
Is it okay to say no?
2. You’re standing in line for lunch and the person behind you is too close to you. It is making you feel uncomfortable.
What do you do?
3. Your baseball coach is too rough with you when teaching you a new move.
What do you do?
4. You were absent from school for a few days because you were sick. When you come back to class everyone is happy to see you. One girl jumps on you and hugs you and at first it was nice but then the hug gets super tight and she is squeezing you so hard you almost can’t breathe. The girl says she is so happy to see you. You really don’t like it.
What do you do?
Tell your students that this is an example of a touch that goes from Safe to Unsafe . Tell the students that the girl should say in a strong voice to please stop hugging you because you don’t like it and she is in your personal space. If she does not listen, get help from a grown up in charge and make sure to tell a trusted adult.
5. You are having a playdate at your friend’s house when he decides to play doctor. He announces that you are the doctor and you should check him and he starts to show you his body. You feel very uncomfortable and do not want to play this game but he tells you if you don’t he won’t play with you anymore. You want him to be your friend so you are confused.
What do you do?
Ask the students what they think they should do? Discuss the fact that even though this boy is not touching you he is still making you very uncomfortable and feel Unsafe. If someone doesn’t want to be your friend just because you won’t do what they want you to do that is not a friendship you want to have. Find the grown up in charge and tell them and make sure to tell a trusted adult how you felt.
“Simon Says” – this game is a great way to reiterate the concept that private parts are never a game. Have the kids stand up and play the game as you would normally do “simon says touch your head, eyes, knees…..” and then say “would I ever ask you to touch your private parts…..NO because private parts are never a game.”
Be aware of cultural differnces that may be a factor in regards to showing affection to family members. Children from these backrounds need to practice telling their parents and guardians how they feel about showing affection when they do not feel like showing it.
This lesson may bring up questions that can be difficult. Try not to dismiss anything or get flustered if a child says something that sounds like a disclosure or something to look into more. Answer questions as fully as you are able and then tell the child you will find out what you don’t know. Contact our office or another professional for any questions you need help answering. To handle a disclosure or make a report, please consult the last section of this manual.