What’s the difference between a secret and a surprise?
A surprise has an expiration date, it will eventually be told and a secret is something that usually is kept without an ending date. There are also safe secrets and unsafe secrets. How do we decide which is which? A safe secret usually can make us feel happy and comfortable. An unsafe secret can be confusing, upsetting, or has to do with our private parts. We must always tell unsafe secrets to our trusted adults. Let’s break this down.
(use teaching cards) –scenarios
1. Imagine your parents are throwing a surprise party for your sibling and they tell you not to tell anyone. You need to keep the secret or else the party will be spoiled.
What makes this a safe secret?
When the surprise party happens the secret is over and generally everyone will be very happy.
2. You and your best friend have a special, secret funny
handshake that only the two of you know about.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
Tell the students that this is a Safe Secret because no one will get hurt and it does not deal with safety.
3. Your father bought your mother earrings for pesach
and tells you not to tell anyone.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
Tell the students that this is a Safe Secret because it will eventually be told and your mother will be very happy.
4. Your aunt tells you something about herself that is very private and it makes you feel very confused and sad. She tells you that you are her favorite niece and that you should not tell your parents what she said or she won’t be able to visit anymore.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
STOP: take a deep breath
THINK: I feel weird and confused. I love my aunt and I don’t want her to get in trouble. It’s wrong that she told me not to tell my parents. Grown-ups should not be talking to children about private things. This can be an example of a tricky person trying to gain my trust.
ACT: I must tell my trusted adults about this secret.
5. After your learning program, your teacher pulls you aside and gives you a present because he is so proud of how you did, but he said not to tell anyone, not even your parents.
Is this a Safe or Unsafe Secret?
STOP: take a deep breath
THINK: I feel confused. I like getting gifts and my teacher is really nice. It is weird that he told me not to tell my parents. This could be a tricky person trying to gain my trust.
ACT: I must tell my trusted adults about this secret.
Discuss: Sometimes it’s really difficult for children to discuss certain things because they think they will get into trouble or they will be getting someone else into trouble. They may feel it is disrespectful to tell certain things. Children need to be told that finding a trusted adult to confide in when they feel unsafe or confused is the most important thing and even a mitzvah.
